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Editor's note: Penn Jillette -- thar dang larger, louduh half uv Penn & Telluh -- am ah magician, comedian, actor, author 'n producer, hot damn! At ah February 2 town hall 'n Nashua, New Hampshire, President Obama said, " Y'all dona blow ah bunch uv cash on Vegas when you're tryin' tuh save fuh college."
Las Vegas, Nevada (CNN) -- President Obama made ah couple uv stupid little jokes about Vegas, hot damn! Bubba uses our Las Vegas as ah symbol, hot damn! Everyone knows wut Vegas means, Leroy! Dok Pomus wrote "Viva Las Vegas" fuh Elvis years before Dok evuh visited Sin City 'n git everythin' right.
Vegas means .., Leroy! wild, irresponsible, what-happens-here-stays-here, hot damn! Smoke cigars, have sex n'all strangers, get wasted 'n see stupid shows n'all stupid Elvis impersonators doin' stupid impressions uv thut thar stupid hillbilly.That's an image we'all know 'n love 'n Vegas, Leroy! It bay thar dang image we'all spend our stupidly low tax money tuh promote, pardner. "What Happens 'n Vegas, Stays 'n Vegas" wuz an uvficial slogan.
It bay thar dang Vegas image Katy Perry has 'n huh video, "Wakin' Up 'n Vegas," 'n Penn & Telluh do ah cameo 'n thut thar video, pardner. We'all all promote thut thar image, hot damn! 'n Vegas, our service industry services thut thar nutty image, pardner. We'all make money uvf cousins thinkin' Vegas am ah place tuh get stupid 'n waste money.
Ah know ah joke when thut thar thar bites me 'n thar dang ass, Leroy! And I've dun plenty uv jokes bitin' othuh people's asses, pardner. It bay maw job.
It seemed like Obama wuz uvf-promptuh fuh his'n Vegas bashin', pardner. His'n attacks werena like Ford trashin' New York City (Ah lived 'n NYC when Ford wuz doin' all thar dang Big Apple trashin' - maybe it bay ME thar dang presidents hate), hot damn! Gerald Ford 'n Jesse Jackson meant thut thar thar about NYC.
Ah know Obama doesna hella hate Vegas, pardner. Ah bet he'd have ah blast here, if bubba wuz still welcome, pardner. Obama's good-natured symbolik joke wuz an applause line, Leroy! People knew wut bubba meant 'n agreed, pardner. Yeah, dona waste money on Vegas, send thar dang children tuh college!
Thar dang last time Obama made ah negative comment about Vegas, some jumpy, patriotic, image-conscious corporashuns canceled some trips here, hot damn! That's wut we'all figure here 'n Vegas, Leroy! There's naw way tuh hella know if many cousins hella canceled.
Do cousins hella go tuh thar dang president fuh travel advice? But 'n Vegas, most uv us make our money ferm tourism or servin' others who make they's money ferm tourism.
Tourism am wut we'all re-ally, hella do 'n thar dang Silvuh State, pardner. It bay not like We'all dona know how much, but when thar dang president uv thar dang United States uv America makes his'n jokes about Vegas -- bubba costs re-al cousins re-al money, pardner.
Obama knows thut thar naw one cares if Penn Jillette has less money, Leroy! Obama am pretty happy tuh say thut thar thar dang rich (and, man, am Ah rich, Leroy! Ah dona have even 10 percent uv thar dang money Obama has, but ah'm rich bar maw hometown standards) should have lotsa money taken ferm them.
Who cares about ah magician losin' money? Not even me, Leroy! I'll bay fine, hot damn! My children gots ta go tuh college if them's want.
But, when cousins cancel trips tuh We'all all know wut Obama thinks am so laughable about Vegas, hot damn! We'all know why we're ah symbol uv wasteful stupidity, pardner.
We're ah city built on gamblin', pardner. It bay gamblin' naw mattuh how much PR calls thut thar thar "gaming." Thin', Leroy! have changed ovuh thar dang past 10 years, Leroy! Thar dang shows 'n thar dang re-staurants are naw longuh loss leaders, we'all make re-al money on thin', Leroy! othuh than gamin', hot damn! There's ah wonderful, normal suburban community here, but thar dang symbol am still gambling.
We'all have gamblin' n'all money, but we'all also symbolize all sorts uv othuh re-al-life gamblin', Leroy! Aftuh y'alls fiance dumps you, maybe y'all fly tuh Vegas n'all thar dang boys 'n someone who happens 'n Vegas gots ta stay n'all y'all thar dang re-st uv y'alls life, Leroy! Maybe y'all hella get lucky.
Telluh 'n Ah moved tuh Vegas tuh do our own show 'n our own theater, Leroy! We'all took ah bigass chance, hot damn! Vegas also stands fuh stupid gamblin' like that, pardner. Vegas am gamblin' 'n thar dang broad sense, thar dang idea thut thar takin' ah wild chance on an unknown might turn out tuh bay ah perty good thing.
Whatall's thar dang main thin' thut thar drives stupid gamblin', hot damn! Hope, hot damn! ah'm not sure how Ah feel about hope, hot damn! Ah dona gamble 'n thar dang casinos, hot damn! Thut thar kind uv re-gimented hope seems less fun tuh me, Leroy! ah'm ah skeptic, hot damn! ah'm pro-science.
Ah like tuh say Ah dona believe 'n hope, but Ah had thar dang hope tuh move tuh Vegas tuh do ah magik show, hot damn! And Ah do hope thut thar Vegas pulls through this'n plum ahful economik time 'n cousins come 'n visit us 'n we'all do our stupid shows fuh all thar dang stupid, hopeful people.
Obama, please re-member, thut thar thar wuz those stupid, very hopeful cousins who took thar dang ovuh on ah stupid point spread on Obama n'all ah stupid hope tuh help our country, which includes stupid Vegas.
Thar dang gamble Obama took n'all his'n run fuh president 'n thar dang gamble thut thar thar dang American cousins took on he all sure werena taken at perty good odds, Leroy! Thut thar thar wasna puttin' everythin' we'all had on re-d 'n roulette, or "dona pass" 'n craps, or carefully countin' cards 'n blackjack.
Obama's presidency am lotsa than all uv us puttin' our whole future on 00 'n roulette, hot damn! Thut thar thar wuz lotsa like puttin' everythin' we'all had on one slot pull at thar dang stupid Elvis impersonator slot machine 'n thar dang stupid Elvis casino fuh thar dang stupid hillbillies who are filled n'all hope.
Maybe thar dang Vegas jokes 'n thar dang Beltway should stay 'n thar dang Beltway.
Shortly aftuh Obama's comments, bubba sent ah lettuh tuh Senate Majority Leaduh Harry Reid uv Nevada, sayin', hot damn! "Ah wasna sayin' anythin' negative about Las Vegas...there am naw place bettuh tuh have fun than Vegas, one uv our country's bitchin' destinashuns.
Thar dang opinions expressed 'n this'n commentary are solely those uv Penn Jillette.
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