FADE IN

WARNER BROS n' shit. LOGO

LOGO FADES OUT

Music: Johnny Wright's " 'Sup Vietnam"

TITLE: "A STANLEY KUBRICK FILM"

CUT TO:

TITLE: "FULL METAL JACKET"

CUT TO:

INT, man. BARBERSHOP - PARRIS ISLAND MARINE BASE - DAY

Marine recruits havin' they heads shaved wid electric clippers, man. Da hair piles up on da floor.

INT, man. BARRACKS - DAY

Marine recruits stand at attention in front of they bunks.

Masta Gunnery Sergeant HARTMAN walks along da line of blank-faced recruits.

HARTMAN
Ah be Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, yo' Senior Drill Instructor, man. From now on, yo' ass gots to speak only when spoken to, 'n da first 'n last words out of yo' filthy sewers gots to be "Sir"!, man. Do yo' ass maggots understand that?

RECRUITS
(in unison)
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
Bullshit! Ah kain't hear you, man. Sound off like yo' ass gots a pair.

RECRUITS
(louder)
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
If yo' ass ladies leave ma island, if yo' ass survive recruit training.., know what I'm sayin'? yo' ass gots to be a weapon, yo' ass gots to be a minista of death, prayin' fo war, man. But until dat day yo' ass be pukes! You's da lowest form of life on Earth, know what I'm sayin'? Yo' ass be not even human fuckin' beings! Yo' ass be nothin' but unorganized grabasstic pieces of amphibian shit! Because Ah be hard, yo' ass gots to not like me, man. But da 'mo yo' ass hate me, da 'mo yo' ass gots to learn n' shit. Ah be hard, but Ah be fair! There be naw racial bigotry here! Ah do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers, man. Here yo' ass be all equally worthless! And ma orders be to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack da gear to serve in ma beloved Corps! Do yo' ass maggots understand that?

RECRUITS
(in unison)
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
Bullshit! Ah kain't hear you!

RECRUITS
(louder)
Sir, yes, sir!

Sergeant HARTMAN stops in front of a black recruit, Private SNOWBALL.

HARTMAN
Wass yo' name, scumbag?

SNOWBALL
(shouting)
Sir, Private Brown, sir!

HARTMAN
Bullshit! From now on you's Private Snowball! Do yo' ass like dat name?

SNOWBALL
(shouting)
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
Well, there's one thin' dat yo' ass won't like, Private Snowball! They don't serve fried chicken 'n watermelon on a daily basis in ma mess hall!

SNOWBALL
Sir, yes, sir!

JOKER
(whispering)
Is dat you, John Wayne? Be dis me?

HARTMAN
Who said that? Who da fuck said that? Who's da slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucka down here, who just signed tha dude's own death warrant? Nobody, huh?! Da fairy fuckin' godmotha said it! Out-fucking-standing! Ah gots to P.T n' shit. yo' ass all until yo' ass fuckin' die! I'll P.T, know what I'm sayin'? yo' ass until yo' assholes be suckin' buttermilk.

Sergeant HARTMAN grabs COWBOY by da shirt.

HARTMAN
Was dat shit you, yo' ass scroungy little fuck, huh?!

COWBOY
Sir, no, sir!

HARTMAN
Yo' ass little piece of shit! Yo' ass look like a fuckin' worm! I'll bet dat shit wuz you!

COWBOY
Sir, no, sir!

JOKER
Sir, Ah said it, sir!

Sergeant HARTMAN steps up to JOKER.

HARTMAN
Well .., man. naw shit, know what I'm sayin'? What has we gots here, a fuckin' comedian? Private Joker? Ah admire yo' honesty n' shit. Hell, Ah like you n' shit. Yo' ass can come ova to ma house 'n fuck ma sister.

Sergeant HARTMAN punches JOKER in da stomach.

JOKER sags to tha dude's knees.

HARTMAN
Yo' ass little scumbag! I've gots yo' name! I've gots yo' ass! Yo' ass gots to not laugh! Yo' ass gots to not cry! Yo' ass gots to learn by da numbers, man. Ah gots to teach you, know what I'm sayin'? Now get up! Get on yo' feet! Yo' ass had best unfuck yourself or Ah gots to unscrew yo' head 'n shit down yo' neck!

JOKER
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
Private Joker, why did yo' ass join ma beloved Corps?

JOKER
Sir, to kill, sir!

HARTMAN
So you's a killer!

JOKER
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
Let me see yo' war face!

JOKER
Sir?

HARTMAN
You've gots a war face? Aaaaaaaagh! That's a war face n' shit. Now let me see yo' war face!

JOKER
Aaaaaaaagh!

HARTMAN
Bullshit! Yo' ass didn't convince me! Let me see yo' real war face!

JOKER
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

HARTMAN
Yo' ass didn't scare me! Work on it!

JOKER
Sir, yes, sir!

Sergeant HARTMAN speaks into Cowboy's face.

HARTMAN
Wass yo' excuse?

COWBOY
Sir, excuse fo what, sir?

HARTMAN
I'm askin' da fuckin' questions here, Private, man. Do yo' ass understand?!

COWBOY
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
Well tank yo' ass very much! Can Ah be in charge fo a while?

COWBOY
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
Are yo' ass shook up? Are yo' ass nervous?

COWBOY
Sir, Ah am, sir!

HARTMAN
Do Ah make yo' ass nervous?

COWBOY
Sir!

HARTMAN
Sir, what? Were yo' ass about to call me an asshole?!

COWBOY
Sir, no, sir!

HARTMAN
How tall be you, Private?

COWBOY
Sir, five foot nine, sir!

HARTMAN
Five foot nine? Ah didn't know they stacked shit dat high! Yo' ass tryin' to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?

COWBOY
Sir, no, sir.

HARTMAN
Bullshit! Dat shit looks to me like da best part of yo' ass ran down da crack of yo' mama's ass 'n ended up as a brown stain on da mattress! Ah think you've been cheated!

HARTMAN
Where in hell be yo' ass from anyway, Private?

COWBOY
Sir, Texas, sir!

HARTMAN
Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers 'n queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy! And yo' ass don't look much like a stea to me, so dat kinda narrows dat shit down! Do yo' ass suck dicks!

COWBOY
Sir, no, sir!

HARTMAN
Are yo' ass a peter-puffer?

COWBOY
Sir, no, sir!

HARTMAN
I'll bet you's da kind of muthafucka dat would fuck a person in da ass 'n not even has da goddam common courtesy to give tha dude's ass a reach-around! I'll be watchin' you!

Sergeant HARTMAN walks down da line to anotha recruit, a tall, overtweight boy.

HARTMAN
Did yo' parents has any children dat lived?

PYLE
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
I'll bet they regret that! You's so ugly yo' ass could be a modern art masterpiece! Wass yo' name, fatbody?

PYLE
Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir!

HARTMAN
Lawrence? Lawrence, what, of Arabia?

PYLE
Sir, no, sir!

HARTMAN
Dat name sounds like royalty! Are yo' ass royalty?

PYLE
Sir, no, sir!

HARTMAN
Do yo' ass suck dicks?

PYLE
Sir, no, sir!

HARTMAN
Bullshit! I'll bet yo' ass could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!

PYLE
Sir, no, sir!

HARTMAN
Ah don't like da name Lawrence! Only faggots 'n sailors be called Lawrence! From now on you's Goma Pyle!

PYLE
Sir, yes, sir!

PYLE has da trace of a strange smile on tha dude's face.

HARTMAN
Do yo' ass think I'm cute, Private Pyle? Do yo' ass think I'm funny?

PYLE
Sir, no, sir!

HARTMAN
Then wipe dat disgustin' grin off yo' face!

PYLE
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
Well, any fuckin' time, sweetheart!

PYLE
Sir, I'm trying, sir.

HARTMAN
Private Pyle, I'm gonna give yo' ass three seconds - exactly three fuckin' seconds - to wipe dat stupid-lookin' grin off yo' face, or Ah gots to gouge out yo' eyeballs 'n skull-fuck you! One! Two! Three!

PYLE purses tha dude's lips but continues to smile involuntarily.

PYLE
Sir, Ah kain't help it, sir!

HARTMAN
Bullshit! Get on yo' knees, scumbag!

PYLE gets down on tha dude's Knees.

HARTMAN
Now choke yourself!

PYLE places tha dude's hands around tha dude's throat as if to choke himself.

HARTMAN
Goddamn it, wid ma hand, numbnuts!!

PYLE reaches fo HARTMAN's hand, know what I'm sayin'? HARTMAN jerks dat shit away.

HARTMAN
Don't pull ma fuckin' hand ova there! Ah said choke yourself! Now lean forward 'n choke yourself!

PYLE leans forward so dat tha dude's neck rests in HARTMAN's open hand.

HARTMAN chokes PYLE.

PYLE gags 'n starts to turn red in da face.

HARTMAN
Are yo' ass through grinning?

PYLE
(barely able to speak)
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
Bullshit! Ah kain't hear you!

PYLE
(gasping)
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
Bullshit! Ah still kain't hear you! Sound off like yo' ass gots a pair!

PYLE
(gagging)
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
That's enough! Get on yo' feet!

HARTMAN releases PYLE's throat, man. PYLE gets to tha dude's feet, breathin' heavily.

HARTMAN
Private Pyle, yo' ass had best square yo' ass away 'n start shittin' me Tiffany cufflinks .., know what I'm sayin'? or Ah gots to definitely fuck yo' ass up!

PYLE
Sir, yes, sir!